Heat
by Evil Plushie Haylz
Summary: Oneshot, slight RoyxEd. Ed isn't happy about his last mission. Or the Colonel who sent him on it. Bleh, I'm no good at summaries. Read!


Authors Note: Okay, this is only the second fanfic I've written, so hopefully that might explain any suckyness/sweatdrop/ I'm more of a lurker than a writer, but a vampire plotbunny bit me at 2 am yesterday, so I figured I might as well write this out before it called upon its fellow vamp plotbunnies and sent an army on me. FEAR THE WRATH OF THE EVIL VAMPIRE PLOTBUNNIES! O.O Okay…I'm done…for now at least.

Disclaimer: FMA does not belong to me. If I did own Hagaren, it would be kind of scary. Actually, very scary. As in "run for your life!" scary. So consider yourselves lucky.

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Heat

Roy Mustang sat in his chair, twiddling his thumbs.

There was a giant pile of paperwork in front of him, but of course it wouldn't even get touched for hours.

For now, Roy's thumbs were much more exciting.

A knock on the door drew Roy out of his amusing finger games. He prayed it wasn't Hawkeye, come in with her gun up in the air to yell about Taisa not doing his paperwork.

Luckily, Hawkeye was only there to tell the Colonel that Edward Elric was there to see him. Not that Roy couldn't tell – midway through her sentence, the building began to rumble. Roy smirked, preparing himself for the attack. Unsurprisingly, not seconds after Riza had poked her head out of the doorway, the door was kicked open, revealing a very angry Edward standing in the doorframe. Roy watched as smoke came fuming out of the alchemist's ears.

"What is it, Fullmetal?" Roy asked, his tone calm, the usual smirk on his face.

"DON'T 'WHAT IS IT, FULLMETAL' ME! YOU KNOW WELL WHAT IT IS, BASTARD!" At this point, Ed was shouting at Roy, his face turning redder and redder by the minute. "YOU, YOU—"

"Sit down, Fullmetal, before you explode," Roy said. He waved his hand, gesturing to the couch in front of his desk. "You look exhausted." He was going to tell Riza that she was dismissed, but by then she was long gone. Even the gun-loving Hawkeye feared the chibi alchemist when he was angry.

Edward let out another huff before collapsing on the couch. His face slowly turned back to its normal color, until finally he had enough oxygen to talk. "Mustang, do you know where you sent me on my last mission?" he said, a low growl in his voice.

"Yes, Fullmetal. I don't just randomly point to places on the map. I sent you to Guadalajara, to follow a lead about the Philosopher's Stone."

"Do you remember what you said to me and Al before we left?"

"Al and me, Fullmetal."

"Don't correct me, baka! Well, in case you forgot, you told us that it was going to be cold. That we should make sure to dress in layers and bring a lot of extra clothes just in case."

Edward paused, and Roy just stared at him blankly. "And…?"

"Do you know where Guadalajara IS, MUSTANG?" Edward began angrily.

"Oh, Fullmetal, don't tell me you got lost. I know it's hard to find your way around such a BIG world, especially when you're just a SMALL little dot in it. Actually, more like a dot of a dot. Hey, you're so short that you probably couldn't even reach anyone's height to ask for directions." Roy smirked as he said these words, watching Ed's expression become furious.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE GETS CRUSHED BY A FALLING LEAF!" Ed didn't give Mustang a chance to say anything in response before continuing. "Well, Mustang, Guadalajara is in MEXICO." Roy continued to give Edward a blank look. "Mexico. As in 100 bloody degrees!" (A/N: Ok, so he's not British, but I love it when characters say that- Spike, Stewie, etc. hehe)

Roy sighed. "Is there a point to all this, Fullmetal?" He said, sounding very bored, beginning to twiddle his thumbs again.

Edward was ready to explode. "ARE YOU LISTENING, DAMMIT! WE WERE IN 100 DEGREE WEATHER IN TEN LAYERS OF CLOTHES!" Roy couldn't help letting out a small chuckle as he listened to Ed rant. "I PRACTICALLY DIED OF HEAT!

"Well, Fullmetal pipsqueak, don't blame me for your mistakes. An alchemist should always be ready to face the unexpected, right?" Roy held back a smirk as he spoke, watching as the boy in front of him gave Mustang a death glare. "If you weren't prepared for what you were up against, that is your own fault. Now, is there anything else you'd like to discuss with me?"

"You--URGHH!" Ed exclaimed, for lack of a better comeback. He stood up, violently chucking his now-crinkled report on Mustang's desk. Edward gave his superior one more grunt before turning around and trudging towards the door.

"Oh—Fullmetal?" Roy called to the alchemist. "One more thing."

"YES?" Ed said to Roy through gritted teeth, still facing the door.

"Your next mission will be in Antarctica. You'll probably want to bring a bathing suit and some suntan lotion."

The force with which Edward slammed the door sent Roy's paper's flying.

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As Roy picked up his papers strewn all over the office (he'd have to remember to thank Fullmetal for giving him another distraction from his work other than his thumbs), he realized something.

The whole time that Edward was in Guadalajara, he was walking around topless.

His hair pulled back, swaying in the wind.

The rest of his clothes clinging to his sweating body.

As Roy came to this revelation, he made a mental note in his head:

_'Next time you send Fullmetal on a mission someplace hot, make sure to join him.'_

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Owari.

Feel free to review! Reviews and flames are fed to the vampire plotbunnies. Sometimes they shoot the flames back at me though, which can be kinda painful… .O


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